Once in a Blue Moon
by Gypsy Feet
Summary: Was called 'switcheroo'. My little nonsense story about a girl getting stuck in jack's head. Simple things become a lot more difficult... and there is that slight problem with women finding you attractive.
1. Default Chapter

**Switcheroo  
By Emmy  
A/N: heh heh alright, i swear that it gets funnier later, next chapter, in fact, but this is sort of the intro. I hope you all laugh... and then review... that would be nice. but seriously, this is just about someone, a woman, who manages to switch bodies with Jack, and suddenly everyday things like going to the toilet, steering the ship... and Tortuga get a _hell_ of a lot more interesting.**

Jack Sparrow's eyes jerked open and he sat up, mumbling things about blue moons and coffee. His eyes widened further when he looked around.

"Uh… coffee is a _really_ strange drink," he mumbled as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His eyes swept over the room again and he shrugged and stood up. Only to be jerked onto the floor by his room tilting due to a wave.

"Okay… I know for a fact that rooms don't randomly tip," he assured himself, "too much coffee must have strange, strange, _strange_ effects on me."

He stood up once again, only to fall over… again, this time his room tilted the other way. He let out a loud string of curses that attracted some attention, as Elizabeth rushed into his room and stood in the doorway, a worried expression on her face.

"Jack, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Who the hell are you? Who the hell is Jack?" he asked, his eyes wide as he turned around on the floor, apparently looking for 'Jack.'

"You are, Jack," she replied patiently, reminding herself never to slap him too hard across the head again.

"Me?" he asked as he motioned to himself, "Last time I checked my name was Amy," he told her truthfully.

"Very funny," she retorted sarcastically.

"No… I'm serious, by the way… who the hell are you?" he repeated.

"Apparently you hit your head. I'm Elizabeth, remember me?" she asked, playing along with his odd game.

"No… can you please tell me why I'm a boy?" Jack asked again, catching Liz completely off guard.

"Well… I guess something to do with when you were in your mother's stomach," she reasoned skeptically, wondering where this discussion was heading.

"That's odd," he murmured, "I swear I was born a girl, in fact, right up until about a minute ago I was a girl… coffee does _really_ strange things to a person."

"I'm sorry?" Elizabeth muttered, now staring at her captain as if he had grown a second head.

"It's alright," he replied absently, still gazing around the room.

"Well, everyone is down at the galley when you're ready," she told him after a pause.

When he didn't respond she just shrugged and left him there. After hearing the door close he stared at it for a full two minutes.

"What a spazzed up dream," he muttered, "coffee must have the same affect as eating pizza on steroids before going to bed," he reasoned, before getting up and opening the door. "This 'galley' mustn't be too hard to find."

Oh _hell_ was he wrong.

**Review and i'll update and we'll find out about 'Amy', coffee, brain cells, and how to tell if wood is rotten or not.  
Luv yaz all  
Emmy**


	2. Chapter 2

**Once in a Blue Moon**

**By Emmy**

**Disclaimer: refer to chapter 1.**

**A/N: sorry this took so long, I can't promise you the next one will be faster in the coming, but I did kinda put 2 chapters in one to make up for the delay.**

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**Half an hour later…**

"Oh yes – ow – not hard at all. Not hard my ass! – God dammit that hurts!" he yelled as he was ricocheted from wall to wall whilst attempting to make his way through the maze of rooms and such. Well… he was ricocheted off wall to wall until he hit something squishy, "Apologies," he murmured as he turned to see what he had squashed.

"Are you alright?" Elizabeth asked, hiding an amused smile behind her hand.

"What does it bloody look like? The walls are playing Ping-Pong with me as the ball, whatever I'm walking on is moving, I can't kind the galley or the kitchen and I've suddenly turned into a guy! How the hell would you feel under those circumstances?" he roared in frustration.

"You should stop having alcohol Jack," she muttered as she stared at him.

"Please call me Amy," he begged, as he stared at her imploringly.

"Jack, I'm not sure what has come over you, but will you please act normally?" she retorted, getting slightly put off by his strange request.

"I don't think you understand. My name was Amy Walkers when I went to sleep. I was a magazine editor and had a perfect life. All the guys liked me, and I had money. I was nice, had lots of friends, and a good family. I had coffee last night, looked up and saw a blue moon, went to sleep and woke up as _this_ and on _something_ with people I don't know!" he yelled in a frantic voice.

"Jack…" Liz muttered reproachfully.

"No, I'm serious, what would this Jack gain from making up this stuff? I'm piss scared," he whispered looking around the room.

"Alright Jack," she agreed with a fake smile.

Jack nodded dutifully and followed her to the galley. He looked around carefully as they entered.

"So… this is the kitchen?" he asked after a pause.

"Yes, but we call it a galley," Liz explained quietly, making sure that the crew didn't hear what the captain, who suddenly thought he was a girl, was saying.

"That's pretty impractical, why don't you just call it the kitchen? It makes more sense," the Captain mused as he continued to stare about.

"Mornin' capt'n," Anamaria called from where she sat.

Jack continued staring, until he realized that someone had addressed him.

"Oh… uh… good morning to you too…" he paused and glanced at Elizabeth discreetly.

"Anamaria," she muttered from the corner of her mouth.

"… Anamaria!" he agreed with a nod.

Being on something called water, also know as the ocean, the 'ocean' tended to have waves. Now, these waves just so happened to make the ship rock. So the ship rocked. And the captain fell.

The silence that befell the galley as the crew stared at their captain would've had the same effect as everyone bursting out laughing at him in unison.

"You alright capt'n?" Mr. Gibbs asked dutifully, but the waver in his voice betrayed his amusement.

The Captain, after shooting them all a dirty look, got to his feet again, clumsily, and insisted that he did it on purpose.

"I was just er… testing you! To see if… you'd laugh or not! Now that I'm certain that you won't, you can all go do what you normally do. You know… pirate-y things that pirates do, because pirates generally do pirate-y things because they are pirates," he finished lamely with a hopeful smile.

All of the men left, except for one, who had curly brown hair and warm brown eyes. The man with curly brown hair and warm brown eyes approached them and stared at Jack quizzically. To Elizabeth's surprise the captain studied him carefully before looking away, as if caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Are you feeling alright, Jack?" he asked.

"Great… uh… I think – oomph!" he grunted as he fell over again.

The younger couple (Will and Liz) watched with great amusement as the pirate stood up, excused himself, staggered over to a wall, and began hitting his head on it repetitively.

"… Jack?" Liz questioned warily.

Will nearly choked on his own saliva when he thought he caught the captain whispering, _Amy,_ heatedly.

"What?" the captain asked, pausing briefly to give her a quizzical look before resuming damaging whatever brain cells he had left.

"What exactly are you doing?" she continued, still staring at him like he was a mutant ninja turtle.

"Ah… seeing if the wood on/in this wall is solid. You can always tell, because it hurts when you hit your head on it… or any of you for that matter," he replied shifting on his feet uncomfortably at the scrutiny he was receiving.

"Drunk last night?" Will's question was directed to Elizabeth.

She shrugged noncommittally, "or this morning."

"Do you have any grog or caffeine?" Jack asked them.

"There's some rum in the holds…" Will replied.

To this the captain wrinkled his nose. "Ew… how about baileys, or coffee? You have to have some cola, everyone loves cola, we do have cola… right?" Jack asked again, looking remotely desperate.

Both younger persons present shook the negative; not exactly knowing what he was asking, but reasonably sure that they didn't own it.

"Sugar?" he asked, desperation becoming obvious.

In an unconscious act of pleading, he had raised an eyebrow, realizing the new sensation he stared upward before lifting a grubby hand to his elevated eyebrow. A huge grin spread to his face as he immediately began jerking one brow after the other up, then down. It was quite comical, especially accompanying the excited smile.

Will cleared his throat uncomfortably and looked at his wife.

"Why don't you go to the helm and steer for a while?" Liz suggested to Jack, who was now running around in circles muttering something about eyebrows.

"Helm?" he repeated, his eyebrows now plunging down in thought.

"Where you steer a ship," Will reasoned.

Gibbs stared at his captain. He knew that men were prone to do stupid things when they had too much alcohol, but was steering them around in circles for over an hour really that amusing to his intoxicated mind? Or had he finally lost it?

Deciding that with the low supply of food in the holds, and the fact that all the crew were doubting their captain's sanity, he walked over to the helm to talk some sense into the man.

"Is it entirely necessary to go in circles, Capt'n?" he asked.

"We're going in circles?" Jack asked as he spun around to look at him.

"Yes…" the quartermaster replied uncomfortably.

"Oh. So that island isn't floating around us in circles?" he asked with a hint of disappointment.

"No…" the older man was now shifting on his feet uncomfortably.

"Well it isn't my fault all the things on the steering wheel look the same! How am I meant to know which way makes you go straight?" he growled in frustration.

"Because you're the captain," was the simple reply as the old man walked off, wondering what had gotten into his captain.

He should've been wondering _who_ had gotten into his captain.

After a few violent jerks which managed to make some crew members topple over, he had them going in a relatively straight direction. Just as Jack could go back to wondering what had happened and where his… assets… had gone, he felt a light tap on his shoulder.

"What is it?" he growled.

"Sorry ta interrupt captain, but we're completely off course, and you're slightly… indisposed… at the moment. Do you wan' me ta steer for a bit?" Anamaria asked with a hopeful smile.

"Yeah 'kay, just don't run over any porpoises, that could be messy," Jack warned as he staggered below deck.

"Odd…" the lady pirate muttered as she watched him nearly fall down the stairs.

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**please review**


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